We all know the story of Lot. Lot represents a man of faith who walked in self will. God did not send Lot to Sodom. Lot CHOSE to go there. Because God is Gracious, God delivered Lot, but the fruit he produced because of his self will were enemies against God's purposes, Ammon and Moab. But EVEN WHEN LOT WAS BEING DELIVERED, THE ANGELS HAD TO TAKE HIM BY THE HAND BECAUSE HE STILL WANTED TO WALK IN HIS SELF WILL.  Even after Lot was delivered, he did not return to Abraham, but instead went to live in a cave to continue to produce BAD FRUIT. 

When we produce BAD fruit--and despair (suicidal thoughts) IS a bad fruit, NOT a fruit of the Spirit--then this is clear proof we are NOT in God's will, but our OWN. 

So I quite agree with the new name of this thread--LET GOD, NOT YOUR SELF WILL. 

Edited 3 times by ryld 02/06/13 8:47 AM.